Chosen Names and Pronouns Primer
This primer is intended as a short accessible guide for non-trans folks to understand the importance of chosen names and pronouns for trans and gender non-conforming people.
Because names are typically gendered, people who are transgender may use names other than those assigned to them at birth. The term transgender broadly refers to persons who do not identify with the gender they were assigned at birth on the basis of anatomical sex (external genitalia). Transgender is an umbrella term that connotes a common experience of disidentifying with one’s assigned gender as opposed to a specific identity. The “-ed” form of transgender (transgendered) should not be used. Transgender is an adjective, not a verb.
The term “chosen name” is preferable and more accurate than the term “preferred name.” The notion of sexual and gender identity as a “preference” has been applied historically in a weaponized fashion against individuals who now comprise the LGBTQ community. Language becomes “weaponized” when it is used with the intent to harm, demean, or invalidate a particular community or individual. This is most apparent in the now dated and offensive term “sexual preference,” which implies that being queer is a choice one makes as opposed to a legitimate way of being in the world and expressing oneself sexually. “Sexual preference” was replaced with the more accurate term “sexual orientation” in the mid-1990s at the recommendation of the Council for Lesbian and Gay Concerns within the American Psychological Association and gay rights activists.
Similarly, when we apply the term “preferred” to the trans community, we imply that trans people’s gender identities are choices, and that an individual’s “true” gender is that which corresponds to their anatomical sex within our Western gender binary system (female → woman → feminine / male → man → masculine).
Because pronouns (particularly in the English language) are gendered, people who are transgender often use pronouns other than those we see as corresponding to their anatomical sex and assigned gender at birth (male/man: he/him; female/woman: she/her). Pronouns, by definition, are words that take the place of nouns, in this case, people. Pronouns directly correlate to our gender identities. Therefore, when we speak or refer to trans people using the wrong pronouns we effectively misgender them. Misgendering can result in a range of responses, from discomfort to gender dysphoria (distress caused by feelings that one’s gender identity does not align with how they are socially perceived). Misgendering, whether intentional or not, can also imply that trans identities are not valid.
People who are cisgender (those of us that do identify with the gender we were assigned at birth) may not think about pronouns consciously and deeply, whereas trans people, because of the oppression they face, are often hyper-aware of pronouns. A double-standard exists within our culture whereby the gender identities and expressions of cisgender people are perceived as “real” or “legitimate,” and the gender identities and expressions of trans people are viewed as “false,” “deviant,” or “invalid.” In this sense, there are no “preferred pronouns,” only the pronouns someone uses, regardless of what place they occupy on the gender spectrum.
For all of the above-mentioned reasons, chosen names and personal pronouns should be used and respected as one way to create a more gender-inclusive world.
