I wonder if some of the problematic and harmful interactions you describe would be ameliorated by teaching people to see gender identity, as opposed to biological sex, as the primary indicator of a person’s gender (I think so). Ideally, this would be done at a young age. That way, we would focus on a person’s identity and how they want to be seen in the world versus what they look like. Validating and respecting someone’s identity should always override our personal perceptions of what constitutes “attractiveness.” As you say, when we compliment a person based on our own standards of attractiveness, that is really about us, not them, and can be at odds with their sense of self.

I am continually inspired by your willingness to share you transition via both your pictures and your words.